Little Understanding

Where to start?

First would be a bit of my reality. My joints hurt at times. Hold the phone too long here, mail or what have you and the elbow hurts. It becomes a limiting factor some days. Today is a day where it would be easier to be me to gather everyone about, talk for fifteen minutes and then answer questions. But, that isn’t an option is it?

A thought started earlier. I was reading thisย and a niggling thought returned. I’ve sat back and watched a struggle play out repeatedly. At times I’ve interjected a bit and I wonder how many really got what I was saying. Typically I don’t address the whole spectrum of “this way” here. (If anyone is bothered by the change of material for today, step away for the balance of the post.) Just not really why I’m here. This time feels different and so I’m making an exception to my own rule. Hopefully I will get this out in an intelligible fashion before my mind fogs up (it’s better but still not all back to normal) or my arm falls off. Let’s see if I can manage.ย 

Let’s start with why. I wrote about Older, Weaker, Slower and it’s applications recently. It’s a useful bit of data in helping with decisions. There’s another one I mention frequently that applies here. (Before feeling offended, listen and consider.) That one is Ignorant, Dumb and Stupid. These words have meanings. Words are like tools for conveying thoughts, ideas or emotion. Due to an ever devolving educational system and an ever increasing case of self-righteous indignation, we are becoming less articulate as a group. This cause all manner of needless grief but I’ll explain why it matters here.

Ignorant is when you lack knowledge of a topic. For instance, what color is my truck? We instinctively fight being labeled ignorant but it is what we will be confronting today.

Dumb (historically) referred to one lacking facilities to understand or being unable to speak. The latter matters not here in the written word but the former is not on display amongst my followers at the level of today’s conversation. Your collective intellect plays to the last point.

Stupid, stupid has many uses but one that matters. It was used to refer to a person with ability (not dumb) and data (not ignorant) who still made the wrong decision.

My goal is to explain a common emotional evolution amongst a group of submissives. This is something that is common, misunderstood and gets little press. My reason is that it is important within relationships. Get it right and you flourish, get it wrong and you leave an an emotional sub-bomb ticking in your bed! Y’all aren’t dumb at all and, if I succeed, you will now be able to avoid a stupid mistake! Oh yeah, that last part is aimed directly at the dominant sorts floating about. Hope you take this quite seriously as you are the party that needs to take action. Feign ignorance or act stupid in regards to your little girl and she wilts, she wilts and you suffer as well. Think hard about that.

Brain and arm both hurting so I need to move along.

The topic for Missy involved being or feeling “Little”. There is nothing wrong with that but she was a bit befuddled in that she felt that she was beginning to share in that way and yet she lacked many of the commonly associated desires. This basic theme is what I’ve seen before, the spark for this post and the hazard to see. It is also the reason you MUST have a label.

There isn’t anything wrong with feeling a bit “Little”, or feeling it a lot for that matter. Nothing wrong with submissive, dominant or anything else that floats your boat and works in your relationship as long as it is being done between consenting adults. You typically don’t need labels. Folks worry far to much about living to a label, earning a label or giving labels. But the Little she felt coming on didn’t seem to neatly align with the labels at hand. Maybe a “Middle Little”? Hmmmm…., maybe something else is afoot, something that is easy to miss and easier to misunderstand. Maybe we be a bit ignorant of it’s power, importance and impact.

Just as kink has endless flavors, so do our lives. As submission grows, so does trust. If both parties do there job well, an amazing codependency emerges. For the lady, the gentleman could only be compared to her father in the care, love, support and faith he has in her. (This is, of course, colored greatly by the nature of that original relationship.) What emerges is a bit unsettling as she begins to feel like a little girl with him at times. That grown-up armor is pierced by the desire to go home to “Daddy”. The happy moment at a friend’s good news needs to be shared with “Daddy”.

This is something that can take a sub by surprise. “Why do I feel like a little girl who wants her Daddy? We’ve been together twenty years! Why now?” Simple, this way started recently. You’ve never been this close as a couple. You might not be a “Little” in many ways but a Little Girl has most definitely come into the relationship.

So why is this (and it’s label) so important? Glad you asked.

It is important for the sub to recognize the presence of the little girl. It’s more important for the dominant. She does not want diapers, a coloring book or cartoons typically. She wants Daddy. She needs leadership and comfort. Unless she is being bad, you need to modify your way and soon. No matter what your submissive did this morning it would behoove you to see when a hurt little girl comes in after a bad day at work and put the belt away. Care for that little girl, meet her needs and watch as she recedes and your submissive returns. Spank the submissive for the mornings transgressions later. Never, ever confuse the two. No matter which way you miss, you hurt her and the relationship.

Labels matter here. Missy later wrote of the names she uses for the “other side”. It is a good idea but it is only one option. That the submissive begins the association is a sign of a good relationship going well for two people of certain predisposition. Using some manner of dividing the sides is important though as they are very, very different but can be equally subtle. Maybe she should call you “Daddy” to let you know that is where she is. Maybe you should ask if your “Little Girl” needs something. What ever you do, how ever you do it, make sure that the little girl is seen, has a voice, feels safe, knows love and gets care. Simply leaving her out or as an unseen/answered part of the submissive will invite withdrawal and the seeds of discontent. Girls love their Daddy and Daddy had better love his little girl. Ignorance of her will cost you both.

None of this means that a submissive has to be this way to be good. None of it means that a Little must be submissive. None of this means that labels as we typically speak of them are worth chasing. All it means is that in some cases a little girl appears. She needs a place, care and love. She, like every little girl, will be unique in tastes and interests. She, if acknowledged, will be another loveable layer in the thing you do.

Now, arm throbs and the brain is a bit foggy. Sorry if this wasn’t my best ramble but hopefully you feel somewhat enlightened. Please use that enlightenment to keep out the damage so frequently brought on by ignorance. BTW, tell her I said “Hello”, let her know I see that shy smile. She didn’t know that a Daddy realized she was reading along did she? We Daddys are an observant lot. This Daddy needs a break but feel free to ask him questions later.ย 




11 thoughts on “Little Understanding

  1. This is really helpful and I appreciate you taking the time to share your thoughts and experience. We have both read it and will make sure that the communication around my ‘little girl’ is in place. I can see that because it feels strange and I was a bit uncertain, it could be squashed and hidden back away but hopefully we can make sure that does not happen. I hope that the head and the hand are now resting and recovering ๐Ÿ˜Š

    Liked by 1 person

  2. The arm is just joint issues from years of work. The head is getting better but a day like today sees me feeling more and more inebriated as I concentrate on tasks. Luckily I’m recovering from those states much quicker.

    See and embrace her, she’s a lot of things. It’s just important that she has a label, an identity because you both need to see “her” for who and what she is. Think of it almost like you would if there existed a split personality.

    You- mother, wife, employee neighbor, daughter….

    Sub- think that sums that

    Her- Daddy’s girl, finger nail polish collector…..

    Unlike a typical Little or sub with two distinct, recognizable parts, you now have three. The catch is that they can be very intertwined and yet each unique. Things such as the trip to the store integrate easily and make a world of difference to her just as a good night that ends with a sore derriere makes for a happy sub and you probably enjoy a quiet dinner with small talk for two.

    Good luck ma’am.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Not sure of the details of the post that brought you here friend but I can tell you that my husband/Sir is always mindful to watch and see what it is I need from Him at any given moment. Most times I need Sir, sometimes I need Master when things are really pressing down on me … He changes and adjusts to suit, He takes care.

    I don’t use Daddy for reasons too many to mention and it really doesn’t suit me but I do have a very playful, silly, soft side that he calls bunny. It’s a bit artsy and a bit Bohemian but it is never disregarded or hurt. I can understand how that would very quickly change things for me, if He was to hurt that most secret inner self.

    Lots of very good information as always! Thank you for that ๐Ÿ˜€

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Pingback: Little Missy Middle | submissy

  5. Pingback: Being a middle • The SafeworD/s Club - DD/lg dynamics explained

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