Meet the Girls

Given the title, one could be forgiven for the assumption that they are about to walk into a giggling gaggle of femininity. On seeing one standing alone you might question what you thought you had heard and yet you would have heard correctly and I would have spoken correctly. Bit confusing isn’t it? Remember though, I’ve previously said that this would be soooooo much easier if I could merely get you all together and “hold class”. (Easier on my brain cell if nothing else and certainly far more comprehensible!) Now, without misusing Mr. Donne too much, ask not whom the girl is for she is thee.

Ok, that was probably a bit startling and in fairness you “significant other” probably needs to meet them more than you do. That is whose support is needed for you to best get to know them. The thought and knowledge of them have been with me for many years but the timing to speak of them was never right. And, knowing how quickly my head peters out here, I want to go on and introduce them now lest I not reappear for another year or two. The decision was brought about in a recent post by Submissy. (Oddly her posts appear in my rarely read email and yet others don’t. Yesterday it caught my attention so….) I would link to it for reference but such doesn’t appear readily available and any attempt to find it would end the head for the day. For that omission I apologize to the witty and insightful lady in advance. (How can WP, a website platform, have a site so bad? Built sites pre-accident and none were so clunky….) Now, where were we? Ah yes, letting you meet those girls!

It’s not a secret that I’m of a given flavor and that most reading here are it’s equal and opposite. But there are moments where my side has a massive yet poorly utilized advantage. That is as simple as a calm, dispassionate view of things afoot if we are rational enough to stop, look and listen. Amazing what we get to see and in turn use to build a better world for those around us. Among other things we can notice the little girls and submissives all around us. We can then begin to see how to support and benefit them. They can exist all within the big girl in front of us and therein lies the introduction so we’ll start with her.

Wonderful lady, deftly handling the grind at work, the kids needs in the afternoon and taking stock for a grocery run at night. Mighty good in all that she does but let’s look closer. See that giggle as she looks at a funny picture online, catch her looking at the last ray of sunset? Remember the question about maybe watching the funny movie this weekend? Those things all come from the little girl who played quietly in the corner of the big girl’s mind during the work day and sat worried during the stressful meeting. She was remembering the sunset’s pretty as the big girl cooked supper. She’s really hoping you want to watch the movie because she wants to watch it with you while the big girl withdraws and allows her to lead. Now, I could yammer on about this but I think you’re beginning to get it and I still have to introduce you to another girl AND wrap this up while I can still type so let’s meet another…..

This one is the kinky fun little minx who can be a mystery if taken to lightly. She is the submissive girl. She is the one who will come out to play frequently if seen, respected and managed well just as much as she is the one who was voted “Most Likely to Spin Out of Control” in school. That Submissive Headspace Missy spoke of is when both the big girl and the little girl are resting and she is out. The big girl looks on thinking “I can’t believe she is doing that” while the delighted little girl thinks “Oh! I can’t believe she’s doing that!” She is also the one who can take you to that beloved subspace so many want to visit so…..

Now, head is fading and I’m a long ways gone so let me try to sum it up. Doubting this bit is a fool’s chase, I’ve done this too long and in too many lands to have doubt as it has never not proven out. Watch for and learn to see all three. Recognize and acknowledge where you are. Learn to balance their needs and communicate them to the one you love. The big girl handles big girl stuff, the little girl loves the fun and beauty in the world and the sub girl is the thing that makes the overall world of the other two tick. Notice that I did not say every lady was only these three or that this is all I see in ladies. My comment was that, if you’re reading this, I’m almost positive this applies as your mix. If you (and those around you) see them and treat them well then you (and those around you) thrive. Doubt this or skip this and there will be needless spin. Beauty in your day will be missed for no reason other than poor management.

For now I need to step away but please feel free to ask questions as you wish and I shall try to get back soon to address them. Between now and then as the big girl ponders (she’s 70% of the pondering, little is 20% and “No, not I” sub is 10%) have her take little girl to something pretty. Ponder that it’s a 70% little and 30% sub split on the encouragement to do so….., one wants the fun and one wants to follow a wise prompt. See? Told you they were there!

Past Nadir passed

Good morning all and welcome to this beautiful ice sculpture of a morning. Given a lack of need to go out for once and the wisdom of age methinks it’s a good day to cook up a big chili and work quietly inside while ensuring nothing bad befalls my beloved woodstove. Plus, haven’t been by to say “Hi” in awhile so I figured I would. Sound good?

Now, for once I’m here online and (given the analog nature of my day) I figured I’d share a recent thought. Don’t worry, it will be a rambling, incoherent and useless bit as always but those who have been around for years know not to expect much so…. So let’s mention the title. At a glance it seems nonsensical but….the low of ’13-’19 has eased. That matters. Too many simply accept a downward slope as a new normal, they let it define them. When asked about it they are “fine”. Well, y’all know the Daddy/big brother side of me and it’s balance with the dominant side. They both know “fine” well. Oh? Curious are you… fine, I’ll explain.

Languages have words and phrases that, beyond any explanation of the learned, repeatedly appear almost universally in given situations. “Fine” is just such a beast. Many a scared/worried/unsure/insecure/hurt/fearful little girl side has pushed the big girl to say she’s fine. She’s not. When you hear “fine” it can mean exactly what it most often means but look and listen. What you hear and observe may well show you that it’s the other “fine” instead. What’s the other one? F.I.N.E. and it’s often spoken in a voice that sounds like that spelling looks. It’s defined as F—ed up, Insecure, Neurotic and Emotional. She may be a lot of places at the moment but she’s certainly not “fine”. Oddly however she isn’t lying, she is indeed F.I.N.E.

What about that F.I.N.E.? Well, haven’t we talked about that little girl and the myriad other parts of the big girl? They are each unique and they each have drivers, needs and wants. In those moments the big girl is wise to speak. Even if speaking is just saying “I need to sit quietly”. Simply speaking, connecting and allowing those around you a supportive place can turn F.I.N.E. into a giggly “fine”. This is an important detail and it isn’t weakness but rather strength. That voice is the start of all of her and those around her coming through the moment stronger, better supported and in a more durable place than when she went in. It’s the difference between leaving the moment closer together and further apart. To simply be F.I.N.E. is to hurt your normal and accept it as a new normal. That should seem unacceptable as you are with one’s you love for exactly the opposite reason. As you ponder that bit, remember my “Golden Rule” and ponder that you are also hurting you and you just so happen to be the only person you are assured of sleeping with every day of your life.

Now, how does the beginning factor into the middle? Simple, my world was at it’s nadir thus far in life. Due to the accident, some of it will never be fully regained but…. In the midst of it all I was fine. I kept my normal strict discipline on me. (Anyone else hold themselves to a standard above what they expect of those around them?) I never accepted the spiral as a normal and I never let it be my path. Slowly and surely I patched weak areas. To be sure there is a huge debt of gratitude to the few who helped me beyond reasonable limits. But, by using the resources available and being willing to see my own weakness I could chart a recovery. I didn’t allow F.I.N.E. to settle in nor should you. Ponder that next time you’re F.I.N.E., ponder that it’s not feeling good at the moment. Use your voice, allow the support then smile and giggle as you assure them you’re “fine” once again.

Woodn’t you know it!

‘Tis lunchtime on my fourth (or fifth?) day off this year. Per the “Can’t Sit Still?” self-help book I wrote in my mind, I’m out working today. This is good work though, my work that need be done. Getting it done improves my world and eases my mind.

Speaking of that meager mind, it loves the rare days like today. Gorgeous weather yielding beauty all around, tasks done so many times that it is free to drift as the muscles move of their own accord. Earlier it’s eye noticed the leaves rolling through the shadows and sunlight as they fell around woodpiles. Suddenly it felt introspective as it pondered cutting all that wood from a huge, green tree a few years back. That turned it to other thoughts.

Thoughts mainly of those days & evenings and life’s arc in that time. It also pondered writing drivel then and still wonders how bored people must have been to read it. Read it they did though. The urge to write was renewed for a moment and the stove has given the time so here we are!

I miss being here as I once was. Mind, body, schedule and other obstacles preclude this playground far to often. But today I am here until the oven beeps. I thought of the group here earlier as I worked. I hope you are well and have much to be thankful for. Until we happen upon each other again, never miss an opportunity to see the love and beauty around you.

The magic of gossip

An incident today leaves me with a smile. Come along and I shall show you a trick.

One great thing about being a professional curmudgeon is that annoyance is allowed. On the list of annoyances for me is gossip and anyone partaking in the practice. It’s a futile effort to seek it from me or attempt to share it with me. As a gossip you have already shown yourself unreliable and likely to receive little from me for that reason. Understand that I come to this with a full understanding of the scientific view of it’s purpose and evolution not to mention the percentages and where I fall in them. That said, never overlook that my slice of the pie (from the scientific/historical perspective) tends to emerge unscathed so…. So let’s examine the trick afoot and my way of getting peace and amusement simultaneously.

A gossip uses slight of tongue just as a magician uses slight of hand. The point of the endeavor is to gain information on everyone else whilst keeping attention from oneself. The greater goal is to reassure yourself and those around you of your “good” and everyone else’s “bad”. Fair enough but knowing that allows for my fun as (with the goal understood and the point of questions or commentary seen) it’s easy to shoot down this magic trick. Give the gossip a slight bit of rope and then show interest or ask a question in such a fashion as to turn the topic at hand to THEM. Oh my, the look on that face is priceless! Suddenly this leech can not detach from your presence quickly enough.

Really, it is the little things in life that provide me with both quiet and joy!

Hope y’all have had a good day.

Poison Pill

Harump, make me sit and wait for 20 minutes with nothing to do and I’m bored in 2. By the three minute mark I’ll have remembered a thought from earlier and realized that (for once) I have time to rid myself of it. Oh look, here I be, cool. Now, time matters so let’s get on with this while there is both time and bandwidth.

Had a couple of times to smile and shake my head lately. (And here he is so I shall try to return later!) (Six hours later I’m tired-er but back….) Ok, short version then night-night.

Then thing making me laugh is people’s combined arrogance (lack of humility) and avoidance of exercises of wisdom. Ponder this for a bit as a way to see it….

They have a problem, they go to a Doctor, they strip in front of a stranger, get poked and prodded, answer hard questions and then pay for the ability to swallow an unknown foreign pill but…..

They can’t openly talk in an honest fashion with a known, educated person about the simplest things or heed advice from someone who knows them, the situation and cares…..

Makes zero sense but this is where so many find themselves as they carry the weight of their pride. That is a weight no diet pill promises to remove!

There, done, and now I shall sleep. Hope y’all have been well.

Five!?!

Yep, still here. Ok, rarely here. Still working too much (according to some) and resting too little (same sources so go figure) but life isn’t bad overall. Ticking along I suppose.

Had a free moment the other day and thought I’d pop by and so I did. Knew that it was a place I had been away from for far too long. Little did I realize that, judging from messages) it had been about six weeks! That led to a quick scroll to see who had been active in that time. Five minute break done, it was time for back to work.

My mind wandered as my body worked. Thought of all who had come and gone over the years here. Thought about the problems, solutions, pain and joy seen and wondered how everyone was. In and amongst all of it there was an epiphany!

I came here right after one major letdown in my world and right as another came to be. Seems very hard to believe that either ever could or would happen and yet here I am. It has been five years here! That realization shocked me. It actually took a bit to get my head around it. Not really sure where or how I thought I would be after five years. Not sure I’m satisfied with where I have been and where I am but I am glad I was who I was and I am glad that I am as I am. Never minded the guy I have to sleep with ever night because I have no shame in him. Can’t swear I always knew I would pull it off but (I hope) the worst is past.

To those who have helped him continue to be me over those years, thank you. As always, I’ll be back but, for now, have a beautiful day!

Dog is dead

Haven’t told y’all a good tale in awhile and I have been quiet for awhile and so I shall share a story. This week deserves this story but you must bear with me as I start it with a mind not running properly and anticipate finishing it worse for the wear. We shall see but, before we start, settled in and ready to listen?

Once upon a time and not very far away at all there lived a beloved man and his wife. They lived beside his small country shop. He walked out with a hug and kiss in the morning and back into the same in the evening. As is common, they aged and he worked slower but he never really closed. It was less a business than a gathering spot but that doesn’t really matter does it. In good time, time passed as it always does and the lady passed with it.

This was a great loss to the gentleman as one might imagine and it was wondered how he would manage without her. After awhile some joy appeared we thought. A small bundle of fur was seen in his shop. Turned out he was as delightfully crusty as ever. “It may show up, it may follow me but I ain’t keeping it” he declared. Well, that puppy kept following him and he kept complaining. He even refused to name it on the grounds that “you only name something you’re keeping”. Okie dokie…

Well, one day about six months later he had an epiphany. He had told the dog it was time go to work, time to eat, time to go home and time to go to bed so many times that it answered to dog! Thus was the name Dog born and so it was to be. He later declared that he must then keep the unwanted dog as he had inadvertently named it. Nice try ya’ curmudgeon, you love Dog, Dog loves you and we all know it.

Turns out the gentleman noticed Dog’s unique skill and intellect. They spent the coming years doing performances for school kids, nursing homes, being in magazines and going on TV. Not bad for a Dog and an old man previously confronted with a lonely future. They were quite the pair and always together. But, as always, in good time, time passed and shows slowed as Dog aged.

We worried for Dog and we worried for him. Everyone figured the loss of one would kill the other. What would happen we wondered. Sadly, one day, we found out. The gentleman awoke to a deceased Dog one morning. He called for help digging a grave. The answering end let her husband know and then got on the phone. Naturally the community knew of Dog by breakfast. We all respected his privacy and wishes but we were all sorry to hear it. It was later that morning that the kicker came.

The gentlemen had done their duty and were closing the grave when the stress of the morning overcame the old heart of an old man. He fell dead beside the grave of Dog. It was the only fitting end I suppose but one I’ll always remember. Had time to ponder it late into the night earlier this week as I beat a grave through rock and root well into the night. What will probably prove to have been the best dog of my life needed a fitting place to lay. As I toiled, I envied him. Must be nice to walk into Heaven with such a friend beside you.

The problem with Me

A smelly girl got us a Dilbert daily calendar knowing I like it and with the correct assumption that we could share laughs. Good girl, smelly old girl but I do like her way of thinking. Like that she saw a way to be together now and tomorrow. Lot of folks miss that nowadays. Sad really but ironic in light of the strip in front of me.

The strip for Saturday/Sunday shows a coworker coming to Dilbert with his problems. Dilbert retreats to his phone in an effort to satisfy his wants and ignore the problems of another. His thought is that his phone is more interesting for the zillionth time. Now for something to be humorous it must contain a grain of truth and ring true. This strip works because it is the world we live in and “everyone does it”. It’s so much easier to find refuge in our favorite distraction than it is to expend the empathy and energy for another.

Here’s a question to ask yourself:

“If my phone has been more interesting for the zillionth time then who will I turn to when the one with the problem is Me?”

Lost?

So many thoughts and so little time. To be fair I censor myself in many ways lest I crunch a toe with the room full of rocking chairs on my mind. This is in some ways brought about by listening to the news on occasion lately. My head hasn’t allowed such luxuries while riding very often for the last couple of years. Thought I’d try again.

Mixed results in the “does my brain work again” arena and decidedly poor results in the area of “does it want to hear this”? So much polarized emotion with so very few facts to let the listener decide. Not really news insomuch as arguments made under the guise of such. So what to do? Simple….

Educate yourself independently on those things you care about and move forward from a point of actual knowledge. Use your sudden spare time to seek out the good news, it does exist. People excel at being decent humans daily and we can only miss it by choice.

Happy hunting

Right. Again.

My grandfather comes to mind oftentimes. Knowing him was a gift appreciated then and missed now. He was a unique mix that one could either thank for me or blame me on. To this day I haven’t really heard of anyone else who earned the volume of respect that he did simply by being himself. Given the area’s population then and the fact that everyone knew everyone well, that’s impressive. His singular most defining traits of mannerism, high intellect and wisdom left a legacy in his wake.

Those last two really matter here because of the nasty realities of the bell curve. Few are very wise and few are very intelligent. To have both at hand and carry one’s self to the standard that he did leaves the makings of the classic “Virginia Gentleman”. He was that indeed. He was also very rarely wrong in his advice. Sigh….

Today was not a bad day. Awoke carrying far too many hot dogs and hamburgers as luggage but the events of the 4th were fun so….the trudge out the door was just slower than normal. Slowly I sloughed it off as I entered the morning’s work. Not a bad day actually, well, not too bad anyway. Then someone just made one of those mistakes us humans are known for. His little slip saw my hand crunched under a pneumatic vice. And to think I stopped to help him!

Talked a couple of guys through what needed to be done for me to regain ownership of one of my favorite hands while being mighty glad it was pneumatic at a hundred PSI and not hydraulic at a couple of thousand. Having ownership of said hand firmly reestablished, I headed for cold water. Hand plunged in, I assessed damage (painful, tissue damage but nothing bad or long term) and tried to figure out how to get through the day with one hand if my initial read was wrong. That’s when the echo of his voice made me crack up in laughter.

It was something I hadn’t heard in decades. He last said it the week before I was married and said he would never tell me that again. Growing up it had been said many times but he kept his word just as as I worked to keep mine and so I never heard it again.

“It’ll heal before you get married now back to work.”

This morning I laughed because I realized he would have said it again today had he been there. He would have been right again. Well, that answered the question of what to do I suppose. Never thought that saying would apply to me again so I was shaking my head (and chuckling) as I pulled that hand out and got back at it in a one handed fashion. Miss that man but dang it, must life always prove him right again?