‘Three…

So it’s a New Year, welcome to ’23. Hopefully that the New Years have started off well for you. I think I’ll post a few short thoughts of what is going on in my world.

Healing, slowly. Easy to grumble about this. I’d rather take care of the other three. But every day sees improvement and new chances, so I won’t complain.

It’s odd to not be the one doing for everyone else. Not quite used to that yet.

It’s surprising how many small things in life you take for granted physically. It’s amazing how challenging some simple acts can be. Then you ponder that had you not recovered as far as you have, or had you died from the get-go, you wouldn’t be recovering and you wouldn’t be challenged by these daily tasks. Perspective is a funny and useful thing.

I don’t have a huge number of thoughts right now. Actually, I have a lot of thoughts, but none worth expanding on at the moment. So let me know if you have any questions or curiosities about this medical condition. I hope everyone is doing well.

Recently

Given the title it would be easy to have a conversation about my favorite group’s first single. And while laying back and listening to them play recently sounds tempting, there are bigger and better things to use the typist’s energy. So once again, I’ll prattle along while she types away.

In the past, we tried her typing as I babbled, but only once I recall. Life has so many things to do. Living in the county leave so little time for something such as playing on here even if you have someone willing and kind enough to help. Her help in the past ease my problem with screens. That problem, as some of you may remember, dated back a few years to an accident that took me away from being here regularly. Now though her kindness pays off in another reason entirely, I closed out September with something less than a stroke of genius. I closed out with a plain old stroke. Had it been a stroke of insight, a stroke of brilliance, or a soft stroke on a Q-ball, it wouldn’t have bothered me so much. This, however, I have to congratulate for being not a horrible physical pain but a pain in the rear if you are a curmudgeon. But then again, maybe even curmudgeon get lucky.

This time, monkey girl is older. When I was injured before, she was a great help. This time she has been able be of even greater assistance. Incredibly, we then have a beloved addition who is here as well. Now for the first time, a curmudgeon has had help daily for period of months. It’s been interesting. So how did this come to be?

The oldest monkey had come here a week before the stroke. Simple dumb luck. She had recovered from her own problems that had us quite concerned for the few months prior (but really for quite some time her health had been concerning). Now she’s better. What an ironic timing. When the stroke happened, I started off in ICU for about a week, then I moved to acute rehab for three weeks. Yipee! Good news though, no one died. Actually, I would like to believe that I behaved rather well. The one who is old enough to drive got to pull double duty, maybe triple duty. She worked, she took care of a house, and daily, she took care of me. Not what kids think about when they think about their parents, but such is life. The youngest obviously visited and joined in whenever and wherever she could. And where did this all go?

I am heading into a holiday season. Annoyed with my perceived shortcomings as always. Yet I am very aware and very grateful of the many blessings around me. I am also aware of just how lucky we are. It’s an awareness that had existed but has only grown. Ponder for a moment that half of my body is now extremely sensitive to temperature differentials. A whiff of cold air and my right arm tries to be stuck in paralysis again. But is it really something I want to complain about to a person who lacks an arm? While I am not at my physical peak (I haven’t been there for many years), I am grateful for what I have. But beyond what I have, there is what I can offer. As Mr. Hawking proved, you can have very little physically, yet still have much to offer. So, I am curious what if any questions maybe in the peanut gallery for a person of my persuasion (dominant, father, etc.) at a time such as this. It is an enlightening thing, and it is interesting to go from theory to practice. So, what says the peanut gallery?

As I (we) sit and wait what questions or thoughts you may have, the one hope I do want to share is that you and those you care about are healthy and happy and are headed towards a holiday full of laughter, warmth, and merriment. As always, thank you for stopping in.

Stone Age

Good morning folks, hope y’all are well. (And curious why this is appearing in massive font.) A thought for elsewhere brought me by the Stone Age. At any rate, since a day or two after my last post this wonderful Model T of a site won’t let me see my comments or what have you. Mentioning it lest anyone think I’m ignoring them. I’m many things and I’m rarely here but I don’t wish to appear rude. Sorry….

Now, enjoy the day. After all, you’ll only visit it once!

Merry Christmas

Helllo folks, hope y’all have been well and are headed to a Merry Christmas and all of the other fun thereabouts.

A thought came to me going over the laborious pathway here. I love irony. I do not love the damage to my favorite skull. Traversing that path reminded me of my love of irony though. It’s ironic that I need to tackle a junior college website later to help someone and be here this morning too. It’s ironic that the college website is soooooo bad but it was created by students barely old enough to vote and then later patched onto, hacked up and codded up by new students each year so horrible and clunky is par for the course I suppose. And, as I plodded along to my arrival here, I had to appreciate the irony that the layout of the site synonymous with basic websites is worse! I really wish I hadn’t ruined my head as it would be a pleasure to have been able to redesign WP for those running it now.

Everyone who thinks I have an opinion, raise your hand….

Now, why are you still minding my drivel? There’s only eleven days left to get ready so get going. Don’t forget to hug those you love and still treat those you loathe respectfully because, in the end, tearing them down does not build you up.

Introductions…

So, where to start? Well, this evening (heck, this week) my head hasn’t been good. Why am I here then? Well sometimes even curmudgeons can be convinced. What dose that mean? Good question.

Earlier I tried to write something and WP ate it. Wasn’t happy, again. It was in response to a certain naggy, whiny girl. The recently revealed ( Different Girl Different Speach) lady wrote wisely and well about the value of coming to see, understand, value and manage all of herself. It was a post I liked and I was proud of her. I was and am proud of how she has come to a vastly better place and exists on far stronger footing. (Before going further you may want to follow that link and see what she said so the rest here makes sense. Heck, might want to read all of her recent posts for a fuller picture of what follows…)

And we’re back…

First bit was written the day after her post then life interrupted the best laid plans of Monkey and man so… Better part of a month as passed but the secretary and I return. Where were we? Oh yes…I think…

I expect many questions over time. For now though an introduction. A certain kid has been nagging and hagging me to avoid the ‘net. Sadly she’s right. (Nothing worse than a female who’s right and knows it.) She’s repeatedly offered to help me do posts and I’ve repeatedly, stubbornly refused. My belief in the offers of others to help combined with my belief in always giving another the chance to fail had left me hoping someone would fill a void in my life that included helping me in this arena. Much talk, no action and there was still a giggly goof who cared and wanted to help. At this I grumbled.

I grumbled because I would like someone willing to fill my weakness as I fill theirs. It would be nice to have that strong relationship and yet… I do have thoughts. Admittedly they are typically of little value yet they are there. In particular I see her use her voice and I often wish to reply. (Her’s is one of only 2 or 3 blogs that WP feels I need to see and one of only 2 it let’s me comment on. Boooo…) A funny feeling has me think that there are some curious to my thoughts regarding her world. So, as in all other areas, I want to be around to support her and cheer her on.

With a bit of introspection I have to admit she was right, I should quit waiting and let her help and so I have. This means, via my secretary, I’ll be here a bit more going forward I believe. (Pondering it, maybe should make the title Secretary for her amusement on two levels.) Through this y’all may come to see D/s, parenting and some other bits I’ve postulated on in the past in a different light. We’ll see how it goes but, as I’ve taught her, your learning will only go as far as your voice. Unanswered questions are only addressed on rare occasion by luck. Feel free to ask questions and, if in doubt, address them to me and I’ll decide the scope of the answer.

For now, I’ll stop lest the Secretary’s fingers fall off but I hope you have all been well and look forward to hearing from you.

Meet the Girls

Given the title, one could be forgiven for the assumption that they are about to walk into a giggling gaggle of femininity. On seeing one standing alone you might question what you thought you had heard and yet you would have heard correctly and I would have spoken correctly. Bit confusing isn’t it? Remember though, I’ve previously said that this would be soooooo much easier if I could merely get you all together and “hold class”. (Easier on my brain cell if nothing else and certainly far more comprehensible!) Now, without misusing Mr. Donne too much, ask not whom the girl is for she is thee.

Ok, that was probably a bit startling and in fairness you “significant other” probably needs to meet them more than you do. That is whose support is needed for you to best get to know them. The thought and knowledge of them have been with me for many years but the timing to speak of them was never right. And, knowing how quickly my head peters out here, I want to go on and introduce them now lest I not reappear for another year or two. The decision was brought about in a recent post by Submissy. (Oddly her posts appear in my rarely read email and yet others don’t. Yesterday it caught my attention so….) I would link to it for reference but such doesn’t appear readily available and any attempt to find it would end the head for the day. For that omission I apologize to the witty and insightful lady in advance. (How can WP, a website platform, have a site so bad? Built sites pre-accident and none were so clunky….) Now, where were we? Ah yes, letting you meet those girls!

It’s not a secret that I’m of a given flavor and that most reading here are it’s equal and opposite. But there are moments where my side has a massive yet poorly utilized advantage. That is as simple as a calm, dispassionate view of things afoot if we are rational enough to stop, look and listen. Amazing what we get to see and in turn use to build a better world for those around us. Among other things we can notice the little girls and submissives all around us. We can then begin to see how to support and benefit them. They can exist all within the big girl in front of us and therein lies the introduction so we’ll start with her.

Wonderful lady, deftly handling the grind at work, the kids needs in the afternoon and taking stock for a grocery run at night. Mighty good in all that she does but let’s look closer. See that giggle as she looks at a funny picture online, catch her looking at the last ray of sunset? Remember the question about maybe watching the funny movie this weekend? Those things all come from the little girl who played quietly in the corner of the big girl’s mind during the work day and sat worried during the stressful meeting. She was remembering the sunset’s pretty as the big girl cooked supper. She’s really hoping you want to watch the movie because she wants to watch it with you while the big girl withdraws and allows her to lead. Now, I could yammer on about this but I think you’re beginning to get it and I still have to introduce you to another girl AND wrap this up while I can still type so let’s meet another…..

This one is the kinky fun little minx who can be a mystery if taken to lightly. She is the submissive girl. She is the one who will come out to play frequently if seen, respected and managed well just as much as she is the one who was voted “Most Likely to Spin Out of Control” in school. That Submissive Headspace Missy spoke of is when both the big girl and the little girl are resting and she is out. The big girl looks on thinking “I can’t believe she is doing that” while the delighted little girl thinks “Oh! I can’t believe she’s doing that!” She is also the one who can take you to that beloved subspace so many want to visit so…..

Now, head is fading and I’m a long ways gone so let me try to sum it up. Doubting this bit is a fool’s chase, I’ve done this too long and in too many lands to have doubt as it has never not proven out. Watch for and learn to see all three. Recognize and acknowledge where you are. Learn to balance their needs and communicate them to the one you love. The big girl handles big girl stuff, the little girl loves the fun and beauty in the world and the sub girl is the thing that makes the overall world of the other two tick. Notice that I did not say every lady was only these three or that this is all I see in ladies. My comment was that, if you’re reading this, I’m almost positive this applies as your mix. If you (and those around you) see them and treat them well then you (and those around you) thrive. Doubt this or skip this and there will be needless spin. Beauty in your day will be missed for no reason other than poor management.

For now I need to step away but please feel free to ask questions as you wish and I shall try to get back soon to address them. Between now and then as the big girl ponders (she’s 70% of the pondering, little is 20% and “No, not I” sub is 10%) have her take little girl to something pretty. Ponder that it’s a 70% little and 30% sub split on the encouragement to do so….., one wants the fun and one wants to follow a wise prompt. See? Told you they were there!

Past Nadir passed

Good morning all and welcome to this beautiful ice sculpture of a morning. Given a lack of need to go out for once and the wisdom of age methinks it’s a good day to cook up a big chili and work quietly inside while ensuring nothing bad befalls my beloved woodstove. Plus, haven’t been by to say “Hi” in awhile so I figured I would. Sound good?

Now, for once I’m here online and (given the analog nature of my day) I figured I’d share a recent thought. Don’t worry, it will be a rambling, incoherent and useless bit as always but those who have been around for years know not to expect much so…. So let’s mention the title. At a glance it seems nonsensical but….the low of ’13-’19 has eased. That matters. Too many simply accept a downward slope as a new normal, they let it define them. When asked about it they are “fine”. Well, y’all know the Daddy/big brother side of me and it’s balance with the dominant side. They both know “fine” well. Oh? Curious are you… fine, I’ll explain.

Languages have words and phrases that, beyond any explanation of the learned, repeatedly appear almost universally in given situations. “Fine” is just such a beast. Many a scared/worried/unsure/insecure/hurt/fearful little girl side has pushed the big girl to say she’s fine. She’s not. When you hear “fine” it can mean exactly what it most often means but look and listen. What you hear and observe may well show you that it’s the other “fine” instead. What’s the other one? F.I.N.E. and it’s often spoken in a voice that sounds like that spelling looks. It’s defined as F—ed up, Insecure, Neurotic and Emotional. She may be a lot of places at the moment but she’s certainly not “fine”. Oddly however she isn’t lying, she is indeed F.I.N.E.

What about that F.I.N.E.? Well, haven’t we talked about that little girl and the myriad other parts of the big girl? They are each unique and they each have drivers, needs and wants. In those moments the big girl is wise to speak. Even if speaking is just saying “I need to sit quietly”. Simply speaking, connecting and allowing those around you a supportive place can turn F.I.N.E. into a giggly “fine”. This is an important detail and it isn’t weakness but rather strength. That voice is the start of all of her and those around her coming through the moment stronger, better supported and in a more durable place than when she went in. It’s the difference between leaving the moment closer together and further apart. To simply be F.I.N.E. is to hurt your normal and accept it as a new normal. That should seem unacceptable as you are with one’s you love for exactly the opposite reason. As you ponder that bit, remember my “Golden Rule” and ponder that you are also hurting you and you just so happen to be the only person you are assured of sleeping with every day of your life.

Now, how does the beginning factor into the middle? Simple, my world was at it’s nadir thus far in life. Due to the accident, some of it will never be fully regained but…. In the midst of it all I was fine. I kept my normal strict discipline on me. (Anyone else hold themselves to a standard above what they expect of those around them?) I never accepted the spiral as a normal and I never let it be my path. Slowly and surely I patched weak areas. To be sure there is a huge debt of gratitude to the few who helped me beyond reasonable limits. But, by using the resources available and being willing to see my own weakness I could chart a recovery. I didn’t allow F.I.N.E. to settle in nor should you. Ponder that next time you’re F.I.N.E., ponder that it’s not feeling good at the moment. Use your voice, allow the support then smile and giggle as you assure them you’re “fine” once again.

Woodn’t you know it!

‘Tis lunchtime on my fourth (or fifth?) day off this year. Per the “Can’t Sit Still?” self-help book I wrote in my mind, I’m out working today. This is good work though, my work that need be done. Getting it done improves my world and eases my mind.

Speaking of that meager mind, it loves the rare days like today. Gorgeous weather yielding beauty all around, tasks done so many times that it is free to drift as the muscles move of their own accord. Earlier it’s eye noticed the leaves rolling through the shadows and sunlight as they fell around woodpiles. Suddenly it felt introspective as it pondered cutting all that wood from a huge, green tree a few years back. That turned it to other thoughts.

Thoughts mainly of those days & evenings and life’s arc in that time. It also pondered writing drivel then and still wonders how bored people must have been to read it. Read it they did though. The urge to write was renewed for a moment and the stove has given the time so here we are!

I miss being here as I once was. Mind, body, schedule and other obstacles preclude this playground far to often. But today I am here until the oven beeps. I thought of the group here earlier as I worked. I hope you are well and have much to be thankful for. Until we happen upon each other again, never miss an opportunity to see the love and beauty around you.

The magic of gossip

An incident today leaves me with a smile. Come along and I shall show you a trick.

One great thing about being a professional curmudgeon is that annoyance is allowed. On the list of annoyances for me is gossip and anyone partaking in the practice. It’s a futile effort to seek it from me or attempt to share it with me. As a gossip you have already shown yourself unreliable and likely to receive little from me for that reason. Understand that I come to this with a full understanding of the scientific view of it’s purpose and evolution not to mention the percentages and where I fall in them. That said, never overlook that my slice of the pie (from the scientific/historical perspective) tends to emerge unscathed so…. So let’s examine the trick afoot and my way of getting peace and amusement simultaneously.

A gossip uses slight of tongue just as a magician uses slight of hand. The point of the endeavor is to gain information on everyone else whilst keeping attention from oneself. The greater goal is to reassure yourself and those around you of your “good” and everyone else’s “bad”. Fair enough but knowing that allows for my fun as (with the goal understood and the point of questions or commentary seen) it’s easy to shoot down this magic trick. Give the gossip a slight bit of rope and then show interest or ask a question in such a fashion as to turn the topic at hand to THEM. Oh my, the look on that face is priceless! Suddenly this leech can not detach from your presence quickly enough.

Really, it is the little things in life that provide me with both quiet and joy!

Hope y’all have had a good day.

Poison Pill

Harump, make me sit and wait for 20 minutes with nothing to do and I’m bored in 2. By the three minute mark I’ll have remembered a thought from earlier and realized that (for once) I have time to rid myself of it. Oh look, here I be, cool. Now, time matters so let’s get on with this while there is both time and bandwidth.

Had a couple of times to smile and shake my head lately. (And here he is so I shall try to return later!) (Six hours later I’m tired-er but back….) Ok, short version then night-night.

Then thing making me laugh is people’s combined arrogance (lack of humility) and avoidance of exercises of wisdom. Ponder this for a bit as a way to see it….

They have a problem, they go to a Doctor, they strip in front of a stranger, get poked and prodded, answer hard questions and then pay for the ability to swallow an unknown foreign pill but…..

They can’t openly talk in an honest fashion with a known, educated person about the simplest things or heed advice from someone who knows them, the situation and cares…..

Makes zero sense but this is where so many find themselves as they carry the weight of their pride. That is a weight no diet pill promises to remove!

There, done, and now I shall sleep. Hope y’all have been well.