The best place to hide something is in plain sight. The more obvious it is, the less likely anyone is to notice it. Let’s look at a good example of this effect and see if you see it. Ready?
Ever worked in a team, been part of a group? If so, you probably walked in feeling pretty good about yourself. Now don’t misconstrue that bit. Yes, maybe they were fools, maybe it was a waste of time and maybe it was doomed to fail but you probably still thought yourself decent enough. Then it all starts. A few “specialists” get added, opinions sought, work groups split off, oh dear. Before long all motivation has left. As the group and its distractions grow the output drops. Soon enough you are left with the belief that a quiet room and a couple of motivated people would have gotten this done in far less time and would have had far better results. Sound familiar? It really isn’t rocket science and it’s blatantly obvious to good leadership but I digress.
It seems that as people are added to a situation output drops. Individuals no longer feel the spotlight. Their voice ceases to be as special, their ideas begin an incremental loss of value, their feeling of import diminishes and their engagement/output put tapers. What was once a committed team player is now just a somewhat depressed person hoping the game will end sooner rather than later. Again, none of this is a newsflash to an experienced leader or anyone who has seen government blaze through any given action. The solution at such moments is simple and yet we see it as bold. Give people responsibility then listen to them, see them and watch them amaze you. Oversight is still needed, leadership still needs to exist, praise is still needed and communication is still important. All that has really changed is engagement, output and overall feel of the environment. Still no newsflash so where does this leave us?
Well, I do believe we were looking at things hidden in plain sight weren’t we? Hmmmmm……, what is a good example of all that blathering above?
“Oh, oh, me, me, I know the answer!”
“How about the seemingly inexplicable bond that exist in a certain type of relationship and the happiness that many find in it?”
“Oh my, that is right there in plain sight where no one would notice it. That failure to see it might lead some to muck up important details though. Why don’t you explain more clearly for the class….”
Ok, here’s the deal.
It’s still human interaction. True, a certain bent may bring it on but…. it’s still a relationship. It’s easy for any relationship to get lost. First you’re in love, awwww! Then you have jobs, a house, kids, pets, car maintenance, redecorating the kitchen, a PTA meeting, ball practice, a picnic next weekend, grrrr…! What happened, we just wanted to be in love and now we are two ships at night in different oceans! “I feel lost, unseen, unimportant, ignored…..” Then comes the brief magic found in “the way”. Wonderful! Hey, wait, why doesn’t it work after a month? Others are happy after 20 years, why not us?
It’s still a relationship silly. You have to see and be seen lest you end up with a regular relationship that simply has an added layer of clutter.
When she kneels by the bed she feels vividly aware of his attention. When she cleans the counter that he will check as he drops off his phone the task has great importance. When dressing, rules and his preferences guide her as she checks the mirror again. Her thoughts, actions and well being now seem to all have importance and she is mindful of them. No longer hidden in plain sight she has power, responsibilities and importance, value. Him?
He now feels her wait for his word. That hated, hideous top is out of the wardrobe because his opinion matters. He doesn’t see a meltdown as quickly, rather he is heard out. He feels respected and yet he knows it is up to him to lead and lead wisely, he feels the weight of his engagement in their life. No longer hidden in plain sight, he has power, responsibilities and importance, value. The relationship?
Oh, it suddenly matters. It is above all else. For that reason all else goes much better. Suddenly a team of two has this. They blow your mind as a couple. The trick is to hold discipline and maintain for the twenty years. Like any other tasks, perseverance is key but maybe the kinkery is less a key to the success than one might have believed. Maybe it is the focus and responsibility to outcome each feels?
Hmmmm, a fundamental truth on relationships hidden in plain sight amongst day to day interactions out and about, who would believe it.