A long walk

We’ve discussed the fact that I’m a lot of things but “nice” isn’t one of them. That thought came to the fore with an event today and made me think that a bit more is needed there. You see, many years ago I had a temper. Sometimes I would let it out. But I saw how destructive that could be so I put it up. It now lives a lot like my dog, there and watchful but half asleep. That dog knows where he stands as “King of the Hill” and he rarely gets roused. When he does, everything runs. The analogy is apt given my skills and background. My temper did get to come out over the years and mix into the jobs at hand but it never got to run loose. Sort of like that big dog that sits on command no matter what is going on. (Unless it’s a rabbit. Rabbits ruin his hearing and turn him into a goofball. Kind of funny to watch.) So what happened today?

I was leaving a store this morning and headed out to the main road when I saw her. I don’t stare but I’m not blind and the heterosexual part works fine so… She hopped out of her car in her workout gear, grabbed a bag from the trunk and put it on the curb as I was approaching. She could see around the corner from that curb and she didn’t seem the same as she turned back. There was a distinct smirk (condescension?) on her face as she walked back. “Odd change” I thought as I rolled through the turn and headed downhill. The thought was fleeting because I saw what she had seen. Another lady and another lightbulb moment.

It was already about 80 with enough humidity to swim in. There was someone walking up that long grade in the damp morning air. That someone was nearing the corner and she was a she but a different she. She was early twenties like the first lady. Where the first was trim, she wasn’t. Where the first flaunted, she didn’t. This she was different. She obviously had physical and mental issues. She was listening to lime green headphones and wearing lime green sunglasses. She was wearing a fast food uniform and hat. Her hair definitely was not in a long ponytail. She was walking up a sidewalk on a long hill slowly, to the best of her ability. She was singing and weaving to the music. The other would have looked better doing it I suppose but I doubt she would have enjoyed the music more.

One was bopping about doing errands in the prime of life. I’m not fool enough to think that “casual” look didn’t pass a mirror on the way out. The other was headed to work. She would be in pain and sweaty when she arrived. Quite probable that she would expend herself far harder today in exchange for far less. Easy to assume that her reception and treatment wouldn’t equal that of the princess. Guess who I respect more?

I’ve had the good fortune of being present to balance life’s tables many times. A wide array of people have learn short, swift, painful (sometimes debilitating) lessons due to their foolhardy actions or comments. The vapid princess is entitled to her smirk as long as it stops there. I was pulled over just past the intersection because I had seen her double back to the corner. It’s always good to make new friends isn’t it?

Seeing the lady dance past the intersection unaccosted was almost a disappointment for the dog inside. He went back to sleep and I pulled away.

I wonder why?

Why is ever other person I see asking for “eclipse glasses”? It’s been talked about for months. Do they recall normally seeing them in stores? Why didn’t they get them weeks ago before today when they’re sold out? Why don’t they simply carry their welding helmet with them today as I did? Why?

Popped by the store on the way home. Love doing that in the middle of the day when the store is almost empty. Like always there were only 8-10 other shoppers and bored workers there. Picked up my things and headed to the register to find 8-10 people in line at the only open register. That happens every time. Why?

Came home and the cell rang as I was trying to get the key in the door while holding the bags. Happens every time, why?

Answered the phone by saying “answer”, gotta love a headset! Why don’t more folks have them? Don’t they want to use both hands AND talk on the phone? Do they want to limit their range of motion, limit their field of view and operate an automobile? Why don’t they see the obvious and get one? Is there a reason to think “no”? Why?

Checked my helmet once I got everything settled. “It’s flickering, better check the batteries.” Now I rarely weld these days but it is a good helmet. As such it should be checked periodically. Uhm, the batteries expired five years ago. Not like me to miss such but I had. Why?

My last week may have as more questions than answers but I’m ready for the second shot at a “once in a lifetime” event. Hope you get to witness it too. Think of something that you see that makes you wonder “Why?” and comment. Curious as to what makes y’all curious.

Hope everyone has a great day.

Mine?

There is a long running joke of sorts in my part of the gene pool. Let me see if I can explain it….

If something is good, its mine. If its bad, its yours. “Did you see what MY girl did?” vs. “Did you see what YOUR girl did?” This little trick can both get a laugh and convey a message discreetly. One of those things that you grow up with and it just sticks with you. Those that know me never want to hear something like “Let me tell you about your truck.” because they know it won’t be good. Kids are probably the best application though as some days they are loveable and you want to claim them but some days you just wonder if anyone would notice if they “disappeared”. Not that the “disappearance” would be linked in anyway to the letter from school and that mess in the kitchen…

There are those times when they are yours though and you just know it. Thought about writing on that a few times now and the last few days brought it to the fore again. Following are some examples of how I know she’s mine for better or worse.

When she was about 2 she started waiting at the door if she knew I was inbound. Legs and arms spread out she would lean on the storm door and keep a weathereye out for me. Soon as she saw the truck slowing she’d turn and hollar “Daddy’s coming” I’m told. She would then wait for me to park and come up the walk. Nothing like coming home to someone clapping for you. (Used to wonder if she figured I was so dumb that I should be congratulated for finding the house each night.) Of course she would also stand there and watch the dogs go after squirrels. Nothing against the squirrels but they did wreck havoc on my vehicles so sometimes, if they got to comfortable, they had to go. Well, one night I pulled in to see her watching me. She was also eyeing a squirrel that was hanging out on a tree limb near the door. (Hear a little kid voice.) As I came up the walk she pointed and called out “Daddy, a squirrel” and, turning but not pausing, she added “Momma, get a gun!” It cracked me up then and it’s just as funny today because I can hear that dead serious little girl trying to make sure Daddy didn’t have to fix another vehicle.

Later on she went into school and I dropped her off and picked her up each day. One cold morning (llow teens) I sent her out to the vehicle while I finished putting on my boots. She was about 5 at the time so she was buckled in when I got in the SUV. “Daddy, this needs a basement” she said. “Really, why” I wondered aloud. “Well” she said “if it had a basement you would put a stove in it and it would be warm in the morning.” Ever tried to drive a kid to school while trying to figure out how to build a basement under a vehicle?

That music thing I told you about the other day, well I didn’t mention what she was doing BEFORE she picked Grada. When I walked in she was holding Lena Horne and Nina Simone. “I thought I wanted Lena or Nina” she said “but now I’m thinking something kind of like Loreena McKinnett but upbeat.” With that she put the first two back and pulled out Flogging Molly (“too much”) and Grada. Made me smile.

Like it or lump it, sometimes you know their yours! Her, she’s mine.

More because…

More because I’m suddenly alone at night. More because someone questioned if links worked. More because I checked. Ugh…, just more.

I posted on the Dave Matthews Band earlier. I just made a comment on how they permit sharing their work. That link showed other videos of course. There are (lliterally) tens of thousands of their songs posted. Groan, I could be there all night but I came back here because of one. Have a listen.

Dave Matthews Band – You & Me: http://youtu.be/kD9CrZODlNA

Imagine the two sides working together in that spirit.

“We can do anything….”

Might be a lot more peace and love if that message was taken to heart.

Band together

Spent yesterday on the road listening to Ryan Farris with Girly-girl between calls. Came home and listened to Grada while I worked and she drew. Last night she declared us remiss. “How so” I wondered. She pointed out a need for a fix. “Ahhh…”, new music in the truck it is. She went for THE stack to pick out THE one to add to the stack bound for the truck. We’ll get to that pick in a moment but it was indeed a good call. Sometimes the music fits the moment I suppose.

A lot has been said recently about hate, divisiveness and a rapidly changing college town hereabouts but I think a longer view is needed. Thinking on her choice brought me here. The time for this is brought to you by the squealing down the hall. Two icky, stinky girls giggling and playing. They enjoy the dregs of childhood as they negotiate over what to do next. Their laughter is brought about by continually comprising on what fun to have next. They could just as easily argue about what to do next. Heck, they could scream, shout, get a whipping and be miserable. They are lucky in that they have been shown better options and so they comprise. Girly-girl’s understanding of this comes partly from music so let’s back up there as well.

She has been riding around with me since she was little. For all the eclectic music she heard, one group was almost always represented. It’s a group I first met when they were playing bars and parties in that little college town I mentioned. Grunge was big and hair bands were a recent memory. Every stop had a band trying to be louder and more depressing than the last. Both the message and the atmosphere was geared to embrace negativity and each group had someone who made it obvious they were the star. Even then I was a bit esoteric so this got old quickly. But then…

Then I stumbled across these nobodies and they were good! They incorporated a broad array of sounds. They had a leader I suppose but everyone shined. The music was good, really good. The messages were light, the mood matched it. They were worth the trips. These guys were clearly having fun. It was such a different feel. Even the bad beer seemed better. Turns out the secret was about to get out.

Didn’t take long for them to Crash into radio play and explode. A little local band went big in a very big way. No more small bars, now it was CDs from record clubs (remember those) and trips to see them with 20,000 screaming friends. The Dave Matthews Band had found an audience and Charlottesville was a part of the story.

Kept listening and kept loving. It’s the rare case where a favorite band sticks. I doubt most Ratt fans from back then await new albums now but I’m still hoping for a release in the next year. Let’s not digress too much though as that isn’t the point.

I got to show the girl a lot about life through them. They work together and compromise. Everyone is the star. Heck, the self-centered name was an accident by someone else that stuck! The secret of the sound is in that teamwork. Their guests are met with humility. They bring in legends and they bring in unknowns but, no matter who, they make that person the star. If they have egos they hide them well. A concert will often have an amazing guest that you wouldn’t have guessed but it’s better for it. They sell more records and tickets than anyone else but you wouldn’t know it. They don’t flaunt their success, wealth or lives and they don’t need negativity, profanity or hate to draw a crowd. They succeed by listening, comprising and working together. They even have a hidden irony I love.

There’s an African-American in the band, yes, just one. The white guy! Yep, Dave is from South Africa and his experience there colors many of the lyrics. He has seen enough racism, oppression and brutality to understand the need for other ways. Shame so many others haven’t the first hand experience to appreciate the ignorance of their ways isn’t it? (I almost feel bad for saying that but few realize how blessed they are. Our “big problems” are very small by comparison.) My girl’s willingness to see and compromise is partly based on the example she sees in their success. A lot of folks in Charlottesville could have followed the example of their most famous recent export this weekend. Both sides made poor decisions in order to be the loudest. They wanted to be right far more than they wanted to listen or (the horror) compromise. Maybe they need a reason to feel better about themselves and an example of quiet confidence. Kind of brings me back to her choice.

She pulled out the 2005 disc “Stand Up” and declared it perfect. Curious I asked why. She pointed out the broad array of sounds, the fact that we hadn’t listened in awhile and, most importantly, the fact that one or both of us liked every single track on the album. I was proud indeed. My girl had noticed an issue and made a wise suggestion after considering all pertinent details. She got a nod and a smile, you get the lesson of their example and some highlights from my day. Good deal? Now for those highlights….

Old Dirt Hill (Bring That Beat Back)- Dave Matthe…: http://youtu.be/D4JKPrUJ6RY

Stolen Away on 55th & 3rd: http://youtu.be/SrHxCBE8JWw

Steady as We Go: http://youtu.be/87jG1ryTay8

Light bulb moment

Had one earlier today, had a few actually. I had a few reasons for coming here originally but, beyond my soapbox moments, they all revolved around the idea of helping others in one way or another. That memory struck me today and I had another “light bulb” moment. That moment is here so here you are, the answer to the question you didn’t ask. Remember the nugget about ignorance buried in my last two mile long post? Let’s see if you find the answer to the unasked question illuminating.

School starts for girly-girl in a little over a week. They don’t have a maintenance person and I don’t make cookies. Problem solved, I help in my way. That means the million little things no one thinks of all work. I don’t do fundraisers. I don’t sell peanuts or buy cookies. I don’t wear a school t-shirt. But the services I donate exceed all  fundraising combined. (I point that out to get others to think of how they can help. There’s always a way to help if you actually want to help. There’s also always a way out if you don’t. Just sayin…) I’ve made it a point to be there at least a couple of times a week lately. The goal is to change all bad bulbs/ballasts and do all routine maintenance before school starts. Schools are sooooo much easier to work in without the kids in the way. Add the kids and it goes all to heck. So, back to me and those light bulbs.

They like one type of bulb. Simply Goldilocks it is, not too bright, not to dim, not too many ladies chewing on me when I come to see the prettiest girl in school. They asked about that level of light the other day. Most of them don’t like one type of light or another so I sat’em down and did a bit of teaching of my own. The eyes were rolling around for a moment until they realized the utility of what I was getting at. Watching those lights come on made me think of y’all and here we are. Ready? Ok, here’s the answer you didn’t ask for.

Light color is measured in “K”. We could get a LOT deeper there but it doesn’t matter, no one cares and everyone has bedtime creeping up. For most lights the “K” rating is between about 2,500K and 5,500K. Old fashioned incandescent bulbs are 2,500K to 3,000K. So called “white light” such as florescent tube tends to be 4,000K to 4,500K. So called “daylight” bulbs are about 5,000K. Heading up towards 6,000K gets you a blue/purple color. Who cares? You do.

LED bulbs burn 80-90% less energy on average. That’s a lot of savings if you target your high use lights. Some folks don’t like the “white light” but prefer the “warm glow” of old fashioned incandescent bulbs. Others want that “white light” for a given application. The color does NOT change how bright the light is but that doesn’t mean you can’t have what you want and save energy (pronounced “money”) too!

Use the lower range (2,500-3,000K) for warmer light and go up (4,000K or 5,000K) for whiter light. There isn’t a right answer, only your answer. Now, you have the answer to the question unasked. You know what the number on the box means when you go to get bulbs. Get what you desire, put it in, turn it off, roll over and go to sleep with ignorance overcome due to your “light bulb” moment!

 

Little Understanding

Where to start?

First would be a bit of my reality. My joints hurt at times. Hold the phone too long here, mail or what have you and the elbow hurts. It becomes a limiting factor some days. Today is a day where it would be easier to be me to gather everyone about, talk for fifteen minutes and then answer questions. But, that isn’t an option is it?

A thought started earlier. I was reading this https://submissy.com and a niggling thought returned. I’ve sat back and watched a struggle play out repeatedly. At times I’ve interjected a bit and I wonder how many really got what I was saying. Typically I don’t address the whole spectrum of “this way” here. (If anyone is bothered by the change of material for today, step away for the balance of the post.) Just not really why I’m here. This time feels different and so I’m making an exception to my own rule. Hopefully I will get this out in an intelligible fashion before my mind fogs up (it’s better but still not all back to normal) or my arm falls off. Let’s see if I can manage. 

Let’s start with why. I wrote about Older, Weaker, Slower and it’s applications recently. It’s a useful bit of data in helping with decisions. There’s another one I mention frequently that applies here. (Before feeling offended, listen and consider.) That one is Ignorant, Dumb and Stupid. These words have meanings. Words are like tools for conveying thoughts, ideas or emotion. Due to an ever devolving educational system and an ever increasing case of self-righteous indignation, we are becoming less articulate as a group. This cause all manner of needless grief but I’ll explain why it matters here.

Ignorant is when you lack knowledge of a topic. For instance, what color is my truck? We instinctively fight being labeled ignorant but it is what we will be confronting today.

Dumb (historically) referred to one lacking facilities to understand or being unable to speak. The latter matters not here in the written word but the former is not on display amongst my followers at the level of today’s conversation. Your collective intellect plays to the last point.

Stupid, stupid has many uses but one that matters. It was used to refer to a person with ability (not dumb) and data (not ignorant) who still made the wrong decision.

My goal is to explain a common emotional evolution amongst a group of submissives. This is something that is common, misunderstood and gets little press. My reason is that it is important within relationships. Get it right and you flourish, get it wrong and you leave an an emotional sub-bomb ticking in your bed! Y’all aren’t dumb at all and, if I succeed, you will now be able to avoid a stupid mistake! Oh yeah, that last part is aimed directly at the dominant sorts floating about. Hope you take this quite seriously as you are the party that needs to take action. Feign ignorance or act stupid in regards to your little girl and she wilts, she wilts and you suffer as well. Think hard about that.

Brain and arm both hurting so I need to move along.

The topic for Missy involved being or feeling “Little”. There is nothing wrong with that but she was a bit befuddled in that she felt that she was beginning to share in that way and yet she lacked many of the commonly associated desires. This basic theme is what I’ve seen before, the spark for this post and the hazard to see. It is also the reason you MUST have a label.

There isn’t anything wrong with feeling a bit “Little”, or feeling it a lot for that matter. Nothing wrong with submissive, dominant or anything else that floats your boat and works in your relationship as long as it is being done between consenting adults. You typically don’t need labels. Folks worry far to much about living to a label, earning a label or giving labels. But the Little she felt coming on didn’t seem to neatly align with the labels at hand. Maybe a “Middle Little”? Hmmmm…., maybe something else is afoot, something that is easy to miss and easier to misunderstand. Maybe we be a bit ignorant of it’s power, importance and impact.

Just as kink has endless flavors, so do our lives. As submission grows, so does trust. If both parties do there job well, an amazing codependency emerges. For the lady, the gentleman could only be compared to her father in the care, love, support and faith he has in her. (This is, of course, colored greatly by the nature of that original relationship.) What emerges is a bit unsettling as she begins to feel like a little girl with him at times. That grown-up armor is pierced by the desire to go home to “Daddy”. The happy moment at a friend’s good news needs to be shared with “Daddy”.

This is something that can take a sub by surprise. “Why do I feel like a little girl who wants her Daddy? We’ve been together twenty years! Why now?” Simple, this way started recently. You’ve never been this close as a couple. You might not be a “Little” in many ways but a Little Girl has most definitely come into the relationship.

So why is this (and it’s label) so important? Glad you asked.

It is important for the sub to recognize the presence of the little girl. It’s more important for the dominant. She does not want diapers, a coloring book or cartoons typically. She wants Daddy. She needs leadership and comfort. Unless she is being bad, you need to modify your way and soon. No matter what your submissive did this morning it would behoove you to see when a hurt little girl comes in after a bad day at work and put the belt away. Care for that little girl, meet her needs and watch as she recedes and your submissive returns. Spank the submissive for the mornings transgressions later. Never, ever confuse the two. No matter which way you miss, you hurt her and the relationship.

Labels matter here. Missy later wrote of the names she uses for the “other side”. It is a good idea but it is only one option. That the submissive begins the association is a sign of a good relationship going well for two people of certain predisposition. Using some manner of dividing the sides is important though as they are very, very different but can be equally subtle. Maybe she should call you “Daddy” to let you know that is where she is. Maybe you should ask if your “Little Girl” needs something. What ever you do, how ever you do it, make sure that the little girl is seen, has a voice, feels safe, knows love and gets care. Simply leaving her out or as an unseen/answered part of the submissive will invite withdrawal and the seeds of discontent. Girls love their Daddy and Daddy had better love his little girl. Ignorance of her will cost you both.

None of this means that a submissive has to be this way to be good. None of it means that a Little must be submissive. None of this means that labels as we typically speak of them are worth chasing. All it means is that in some cases a little girl appears. She needs a place, care and love. She, like every little girl, will be unique in tastes and interests. She, if acknowledged, will be another loveable layer in the thing you do.

Now, arm throbs and the brain is a bit foggy. Sorry if this wasn’t my best ramble but hopefully you feel somewhat enlightened. Please use that enlightenment to keep out the damage so frequently brought on by ignorance. BTW, tell her I said “Hello”, let her know I see that shy smile. She didn’t know that a Daddy realized she was reading along did she? We Daddys are an observant lot. This Daddy needs a break but feel free to ask him questions later.